Where Does Self-Esteem Come From?

My mother wanted us all to have positive self-esteem.  So she separately told me and my sisters that we were each her smartest child. 

That worked reasonably well, I suppose, until one evening when we were all together and we compared notes. 

We confronted her with it, and she said, “alright, you got me.  But it’s good to know that at least you’re talking to each other.”

Generally speaking, positive self-esteem is something we want our children to possess, something we want to possess ourselves; but self-esteem is elusive.

I believe that appropriate positive self-esteem – not arrogance, but self-esteem – is a cornerstone of family, community and society.

And I want to speak about three pillars of self-esteem which, I believe, emerge from the Biblical tradition.

Complex Religion for a Complex World

De and I saw the Book of Mormon this week.  For those who may not know, it’s a highly irreverent musical comedy that takes a wickedly funny look at the role religion plays, and might play, in society.

We ran into De’s cousin before the show and afterward, her husband asked, “So how are you going to use this in a sermon?”

He was kidding, but the truth is that while I laughed and even shed a few tears at what I thought was a great show and a raucous meditation on what religion might be, I spent Act II working out the sermon in my mind.   I know it’s a professional hazard to think about work during a show, but here goes. . .

Marching Toward Freedom

At the recent Celebrate Israel Parade, Dr. Ruth Westheimer was interviewed for Channel 9.  She graciously thanked the anchors for their time and reminisced about her role as a sniper in the Hagana around the time of Israel’s independence.  She observed how the parade demonstrates support for Israel within and beyond the Jewish community.  She also spoke about how parades like this one reveal the pervasive blessing of freedom in America.  How fortunate we are, she remarked, that Jews, Latinos, Indians and others can march proudly up “fancy Fifth Avenue,” fully integrated into American society while able to embrace the unique aspects of their respective cultures.

Bravo, Dr. Ruth.  You always seem to find the right words for the occasion.  Indeed the Celebrate Israel Parade is not only about Jewish support for Israel, it’s about world recognition. Moreover, it is one of many ethnic parades that convey an important message about our country, namely the freedom and equality that every group deserves.

Unfortunately, in the State of Israel, religious freedom still eludes many Jews as the Conservative and Reform denominations of Judaism do not receive equal treatment under Israeli law.  Recently, an important development took place that will hopefully begin to change that reality. 

Writing Each Other Off

Twenty-five years ago, I had my first introduction to my wife’s extended family.  The occasion was her cousin’s Bar Mitzvah.  I was asked to read Torah and although I had a fair amount of experience, I was a little nervous.

Before the Bar Mitzvah, I had a chance to meet De’s cousin.  He came across bright and personable.  His family was concerned because he had some learning issues which made reading a challenge for him.  English was hard enough, and now he had to work backwards and navigate the Hebrew.  He worked extra hard to prepare for his Bar Mitzvah.

I did my reading and the bar mitzvah boy did just fine. And then the rabbi got up to speak and he spoke about how the boy had gotten kicked out of Hebrew school classes again and again due to poor behavior and how disappointing his Hebrew school performance was.  And I was waiting for him to say, “but look how well you did today and we are going to make sure you continue your Jewish education” but he never said that or anything like it.  He spoke about the grandfather of the bar mitzvah and his involvement in the synagogue and then the speech just ended.  I was kind of surprised, to say the least.  I didn’t know the family well enough at the time to ask them about their reactions.