The Secret to True Self-Esteem

My son just returned from a trip to Iceland with one of his best friends.

While he was there, he hiked all over, took in the nightlife in the capital city – it never really got dark, so it wasn’t technically nightlife – and he sent us pictures with captions like “most beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen.” 

When he got back, we schmoozed about the trip and he told us that when he and his friend were sitting in a restaurant, they looked around and had the following perception:

That they were the shortest, most plain-looking people in the restaurant.  Apparently the restaurant they were in drew a lot of native Icelanders.  According to my son, they were all well above 6 feet tall and looked like models for Nordic track. 

Whether or not he realized it at the time, he created an interesting modern version of the Torah’s story of the twelve scouts, which we read this morning.

The essential story is similar:  The land is beautiful beyond belief.  We, however, are inadequate.  The people are larger, stronger, nobler than we are.

My son and his friend felt this in a humorous way and I don’t think he was reflecting a deep sense of inadequacy.

But our ancestors who scouted out the land felt their inadequacy profoundly.  To be fair, they were not on a post-college jaunt.  They knew that they had to conquer this land, not just visit and take pictures, that their lives would be on the line.

After considering my son’s story and the ancient story, it occurred to me that they present an opportunity to reflect on the notion of self-esteem.

Let's Not Give Up on Prayer

I was in a hospital recently with a family whose loved one was nearing the end of his life.  The family asked that I say a prayer and I recited the prayer traditionally reserved for those moments.  The prayer begins with a request for refuah, for healing, but goes on to say, if this is the end, if healing is not to be, then take this person gently, lovingly.

One of the people who heard the prayer is a native Hebrew speaker and she noticed the sudden transition in the prayer – from requesting healing to requesting a gentle end to the person’s life. 

We talked about that a bit and then we all recited Shema Yisrael together, sensing that the neshama, the soul, of their loved one was already in a different place.

Experts in Jewish tradition and community-building lately have focused on the reality that prayer is hard for people to relate to for lots of reasons. 

They go on to say that there are many ways to engage Jews and we should be emphasizing those, which include Jewish learning, Jewish culture, social action.  Since prayer may not be compelling for people, we should be placing more emphasis on these other areas.

To which I say yes, but...

Hunger and Desire the Jewish Way

I remember the years when our children were invited to their friends’ b’nei mitzvah.  We did a lot of carpooling in those years to get them to and from various receptions.  Every parent knows that if you just drive quietly, your children and their friends will sort of forget you’re there and they’ll talk pretty openly.

As the occasional chauffer I heard all sorts of things about friendships and crushes.  But the most entertaining part, I think, was when I’d drive them home from a celebration and hear a critique of the food at the party. 

I’m talking an all-out analysis of the cocktail hour that would make Ruth Reichl proud.

The sushi was better last week.

The franks in a blanket were room temperature – can you believe it?

Etc.

These conversations got me thinking about how, from an early age, we need to deal with desire and self-control.  Beyond that, they can raise questions about the way we think about abundance and scarcity.  A tiny percentage of the world’s population experiences cocktail hours.

This morning, I want to explore the overarching issue, not just as it pertains to food, and that is – what does Judaism teach us about how we relate to the physical world which includes how we eat and how we handle sexuality.