We Rise Up Together: A Message for the New Year

I’m thinking of a place where African Americans are elevator operators and speak only when spoken to.

Where gays are so deep in the closet they can barely see the light of day.

Where women take dictation and sometimes harassment from their male bosses and continue to smile and bring them coffee.

Where Jews are the objects of anti-Semitic slurs.

What place have I just described? 

Many places, I suppose.

But specifically I was thinking of the office of a particular advertising agency, Sterling Cooper, in the early 1960’s.  Sterling Cooper, you may know, is a fictional ad agency depicted in the award-winning TV Show, "Madmen." 

We’ve made some progress since the early 1960’s.  Some progress.  The reason we’ve made progress at all is only because each underprivileged group I mentioned made some noise and advocated for themselves.

The 60’s were a turning point for each group I mentioned including Jews.  And slowly, painfully, to differing degrees and in different ways, over the next decades and up to the present, each group gained more equal footing in this country. 

A human being can only take so much when marginalized or put down.  There comes a time when we grow so fed up with the way we are being treated, fed up with the status quo, that we demand a change.

We say, “this time will be different.”  And then, if we are courageous and persistent, we take the steps necessary to ensure that things will be different for us.  That we will be treated decently, equally.

I’m going to reflect on that but I won’t stop there.  It’s not right to stop there and our tradition demands that I go on.  I will go on to urge us to consider that the sense of justice which demands “this time will be different for me” also cries out for “this time will be different for you.” 

Subduing the "Yes-But" and Learning to Listen

There’s a tiny creature that is extremely common and very industrious.  It’s called the yes-but.

I won’t ask you to raise your hand if you ever heard of a yes-but because I’m sure you’ve heard of it you just didn’t know what it was called. 

The yes-but actually lives inside of us, each of us, I think.  It’s industrious, for sure, also somewhat impulsive, especially when we’re talking to other people.

Especially when we’re talking to other people who say things that we don’t agree with.

Here’s how it works:  We’re listening to the other person – yet as we’re listening, the yes-but is jumping up and down, tickling our throats until we open our mouths and say to the other person:

Yes – I heard you.  BUT did you consider this?  Yes, I know you’ve said this.  BUT don’t you know that?  Yes, you’re entitled to your opinion.  BUT how can you say such a thing when so-and-so, who’s an expert, feels differently?

The yes-but is alive and well inside of us.  And it makes it hard for us to really listen to each other.  Before the other person has finished talking, we’ve come up with all of the arguments to prove him wrong.  While the other person is still talking, the yes-but has all but silenced her.

I’d love to meet two people who disagree with one another about the Iran Nuclear Treaty who have managed to subdue their internal yes-but’s long enough to really consider what the other person is saying before responding.