The Power of Expectation

Ellen Langer was a young psychology professor at Harvard in 1981 when she conducted an experiment that would become highly influential in her field.

Professor Ellen Langer, Harvard University

She took two groups of men in their 70’s and 80’s to a rustic hotel.  The first group was told that they were going to spend a few days reminiscing about the 1950’s, which they did – they talked, they laughed, they remembered.

The second group, which came a week later, was told to spend a few days inhabiting the 1950’s – in other words, to actually relive life as their younger selves.  This was accomplished in concrete ways.  For example, the second group, unlike the first, was told to bring their own luggage to their rooms rather than have porters take it. 

Both groups were measured for physical and cognitive function before and after their stay at the hotel.

There was a noticeable difference between the two groups at the end of their respective stays.  The group that inhabited their earlier lives were significantly more energetic and capable than the other group.  They were more boisterous and more lively.  

While waiting for the bus following their stay, they broke out into a game of touch football which they said they hadn’t played in years.

Ellen Langer’s experiment, shared recently with a group of clergy by Dr. David Pelcovitz of Yeshiva University, demonstrated, more dramatically than she even imagined, the power of expectation.  The men who were expected to act youthfully quickly came to expect that of themselves.  They didn’t fully regain the dynamism of their youth but they were far more agile than they had been and more agile than those in the other group.

In our concern for not overwhelming people, for allowing people latitude and freedom, for not imposing on people, we may be going overboard by failing to hold, and to convey, sufficiently high expectations.

I'd like to unpack the dynamics of expectations, starting with the Torah and then encouraging us to consider how high expectations, appropriately conveyed, can have a positive impact on others, as well as on ourselves.

Walking Together: The Challenge and Joy of Parenting Adult Children

Recently I was chatting with someone.  He told me what his children were up to.  He asked what my children were up to.  

I started by telling him what our oldest was up to – that he’s been working in a vineyard in Vermont, involved in the growing of the grapes and the making of the wine.  I didn’t get to our other children.

He said, “So you’re letting him do that?”

I wasn’t sure what he meant exactly, so I asked for clarification.

He said, “I guess you figure your son is still young, he needs to get this out of his system, so you’re letting him explore it before he settles down.”

I thought his comments were curious and I tried to unpack what might have been some of the assumptions behind what was said.  Here are three that I came up with:

An assumption that certain types of work are more worthy of support than others.

An assumption that I as the parent would not approve of the type of work my son is doing.

An assumption that even if I didn’t approve of it, I would or could stop him from doing it.

I’ll get back to my son - the vibrant Vermont vintner - eventually.

I want to reflect this morning on the extent to which parents impose their visions and aspirations onto their children.