Finding Our Power - A Message for the New Year

Roughly 10 years ago I was sitting at our dining room table, opposite Deanna, working on some project, and the phone rang.  It was one of our son’s high school teachers. He said, “Hi Mr. Stecker.  It’s Mr. So-and-so, your son’s teacher.”  I said, “Hi Mr. So-and-so.  So nice to hear from you.”  

He said, “I want you to know that your son is a really great guy, Mr. Stecker.”  I said, “Thanks, Mr. So-and-so.”  He went on, “But the thing is, Mr. Stecker…there are a bunch of assignments that he didn’t hand in.  And if he doesn’t get them in, it’s definitely going to affect his final grade.  So hopefully you and Mrs. Stecker can talk to him and encourage him.  Remember I’m here to help.”  We discussed some of the details and then he said,  “It’s been great talking to you, Mr. Stecker.  I’m so glad that we can partner with each other to ensure the best educational outcomes for your son.”

And I said, “Thanks, Mr. So-and-so.  I too am glad that we can partner together.” 

I got off the phone.  I summarized the conversation to Deanna and I said, “You know, this is frustrating.  But let’s look on the bright side.  If our son keeps going in this direction, we’ll be able to save a whole lot of college tuition.” And then I said a few more things that of course I shouldn’t have said.

At that point I heard a voice from the kitchen, which is right next to the dining room.  “Thanks a lot, Abba.” 

It was our son.  It seems he had heard what I said.  I felt terrible.  I walked into the kitchen and apologized.  I told him how much I love him, how much I regret what I said, how much faith I have in him.  But of course, I couldn’t take back the words.

At that moment I understood something that I want to reflect on this morning for all of us.  I understood that I have more power than I realize.  We all have more power than we realize.  Power to do harm.  And also to do good.  

We Stand in the Gap

It’s reassuring to think that there’s rhyme and reason in the world.

We do the right thing and good things happen.  You study and you do you well.   You work hard and you make a good living.  That’s reassuring.   

Of course we know it doesn’t always work that way.  It's not news that the world is often a mess.  We’ve always struggled with – on the one hand, wanting there to be rhyme and reason and order and on the other hand, realizing that often there is not.

I'd like to reflect on what we need to do when we face the gap between life as it is and life as we expect it to be.  How do we respond to this gap?

Leading With Love

Yom Kippur is far away but I’ll start with a confession.  I didn’t see the eclipse.  I didn’t get the glasses in time, I didn’t think of some clever workaround like looking at the sun’s refraction through a colander.  

I already have plans for 2024 though.  Apparently the path of totality will include Burlington, VT, and assuming my son is still living there and toiling in the vineyard of the Lord – literally – I’m going to crash at his place and preorder the glasses.

The eclipse is a spectacular thing.  Along with being spectacular it’s also frightening.  Don’t look up!  We were told.  It will do permanent damage to the eye!  Most people took those warnings seriously.

We are a few weeks away from Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and I want to talk a bit about fear – healthy fear as well as unhealthy fear, as they often get mixed up.  

The Rev. Brian Ellis-Gibbs

Fear is powerful.  Often it’s healthy.  We can all come up with examples of healthy fear, starting with the fear that urges you to protect your eyes from the sun and all of the metaphorical implications of that.  But often it’s not healthy.  And today I want to reflect on one specific unhealthy manifestation of fear and how we fight it.

Fear is unhealthy when it causes us to erect unnecessary boundaries between people. 

The Power to Fight Back

This has been a deeply disturbing week.  As anyone who has dealt with corrosive problems knows, the first thing we have to be able to do is name the problems unequivocally.  If you don’t name them, you can’t confront them.  The killing in Barcelona was Islamic terrorism.  The killing in Charlottesville was white supremacist neo-Nazi terrorism.  Islamic terrorism is pernicious and requires continued vigilance and opposition.  This morning I want to focus on white supremacist neo-Nazism and make a few observations.

NYC Interfaith Gathering - "Yes to Love, No to Hate," August 23, 2017

Learning to Land in the Moment

A few weeks ago all three of our sons came home.  We were hanging out in the kitchen, which is somehow the room we all tend to hang out in.  I didn’t realize this but Deanna pointed out that the three of them and I, four people – pace constantly when we talk.  We don’t stand still.  From her perspective it looks like a tiny solar system, four planets in constant motion.

I spent a few weeks this summer reading a novel by renowned Israeli author, A. B. Yehoshua, called “The Liberated Bride.”

I’ve read several of his novels.  He depicts Israeli society in a complicated way that is specific to Israeli society but also in many respects universal.  To an unusual degree, his novels tend to unpack the relationships between Jews and Arabs.  The Arabs include Israeli and Palestinian Arabs, Christian and Muslim Arabs.

The main character in “The Liberated Bride” is a Jewish professor at Haifa University who is studying French colonialism in Algeria.  He has numerous Arab students, which gives him a port of entry into several Arab communities.  He undergoes a tragi-comic journey to uncover a secret about his son’s past.   Much of his journey involves the locations and lives of Israeli and Palestinian Arabs.  

I can’t possibly do justice to the book in a few sentences.  But I want to focus on an ongoing theme that we should all consider.

The professor, Yochanan Rivlin, is often headed to the airport to pick up family members.  The detours on the way to the airport are half the story and half the fun.  

One of the Arabs, who works at a hotel owned by Jews and gets to know the professor very well, notes that Rivlin’s folks are always flying in and flying out and he remarks to him that the Jews are always coming and going.  

This morning I want to reflect on two things.  One – how deeply rooted “coming and going” is in Jewish culture.  Pacing back and forth, flying in, flying out.

And two – how important it is for us to learn how to land.

Charlottesville and Our Obligation to Fight Hatred

In light of recent events in Charlottesville, VA, I sent the following message to my congregation, Temple Israel of Great Neck:

Dear Temple Israel Family:

Last Saturday’s white supremacist neo-Nazi march in Charlottesville, Virginia, led to the murder of Heather Heyer and the wounding of at least 19 others.  Many situations have multiple legitimate sides to consider, but this is not one of them. Many issues are ambiguous.  Not this one. 

Heather Heyer was protesting the neo-Nazis whereas James Fields Jr., who murdered her and wounded the others, was affiliated with them.  She was seeking to sow justice.  He was seeking to sow terror.    

Fields' peers are racists and anti-Semites.   They were marching in Virginia with confederate flags and swastikas, chanting “Jews will not replace us” and “Sieg Heil!” What more do we need to see and hear in order to respond? 

The white supremacist neo-Nazis who marched in Charlottesville, who have been spreading hatred and violence throughout the United States for years, consistently and egregiously violate the American and Jewish values that we hold dear.   And therefore we must do everything we can to oppose them in word and deed.   

We who value diversity as an American ideal and a fundamental expression of God’s love for all humanity must oppose those who champion a deranged vision of uniformity.  We who seek justice for all human beings, regardless of race, religion, gender and sexuality, must oppose those who discriminate against anyone who looks or acts differently than they do.  We who believe that America is truly great only when all of her citizens live together peacefully must oppose those who aspire to a twisted definition of greatness that thrives on discord and violence. 

In keeping with our American Jewish values we call upon President Trump to oppose white supremacist neo-Nazi terrorism consistently, unabashedly and systematically.  He may not hesitate or equivocate any more.  The danger is too clear and the stakes are too high as the enemies of diversity and justice gain strength and influence every day.  If you haven’t signed the ADL’s petition calling the president to action, I encourage you to do so.  

This coming Shabbat morning, as we pray for the wellbeing of our nation, we will voice our resolve to oppose these threats and to uphold our Jewish and American values of diversity and justice.  I hope you will join us. 

Elie Wiesel famously wrote, “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.”  As Jews we have known the sting of oppression and we bear a timeless legacy of fighting for justice for all people.  We dare not remain neutral.  We must speak out and fight back so that America can truly be a nation with liberty and justice for all. 

With resolve and hope,

Rabbi Howard Stecker 

True Leadership is Not About Ego

We just came back from a few weeks in Canada.  When people realized we were from the USA, we heard a few comments.  Like, “Glad the War of 1812 didn’t quite work out for you.”  The War of 1812, you may recall, involved numerous invasions of Canada.  But more than questioning the past, we got a few comments from the generally quite polite Canadians to the effect of, “What’s up with your leadership – eh?”  A British man we met at a hotel said that England is looking at the US as kind of a soap opera.  

Now, as I’ve said before, I’m not Stephen Colbert.  It’s not my job to bring humor to the current situation though I sometimes have funny things to say, as I’m sure we all do.  And I’m not Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett and company delivering clever,  partisan podcasts.  It’s not my role to share a partisan analysis of contemporary events. 

Dan Elman, a leader of the Saint John, New Brunswick, Jewish Community 

It is my task as a rabbi to view the present with the insights that come from our rich past – to offer Torat Chayim – to bring Torah to life, to our lives.  The Torah has much to teach us about the dangers of ego-driven leadership and the nature of true leadership.  So here we go...