Moving Beyond Trauma

At the end of last week’s Torah reading, we were left with one of the most powerful cliffhangers of all time.  You recall – Joseph’s brothers, including Benjamin, went back to Egypt to meet with Joseph, despite Jacob’s fear that some disaster might befall Benjamin.

Joseph places a silver goblet in Benjamin’s sack, apprehends Benjamin and, though Judah offers to remain Joseph’s slave in exchange for the release of Benjamin, Joseph refuses and says, only the one who took the goblet will be my slave.  The rest of you can go home peacefully to your father.

That’s a cliffhanger.  Judah knows he can’t go back to his father without Benjamin – it would destroy him.  Joseph has put the screws on.

This week’s reading is inspirational.  It’s a great story and it also has a great deal to teach. 

I want to suggest three things we can learn from this story

First, the story can inspire us today to realize that families can somehow break out of negative dynamics. 

It can’t get much worse than what Joseph and his brothers experienced – jealousy, animosity, near murder, profiteering.

Following the cliffhanger, Judah steps forward, he flatters Joseph, describes the situation, mentions their father as Joseph’s servant, again and again, and then appeals to his compassion.

In the end, Joseph can no longer conceal his identity and he reveals himself to his brothers.

Of course, every situation is different, but the Torah here provides a possible framework whereby we can get past our resentment and animosity. 

Judah ostensibly didn’t know he was speaking to his brother, though maybe he did – who knows?  But imagine what might happen if we were to swallow our pride on occasion, offer a drop of flattery, appeal to the heart of the matter, appeal to the person’s compassion. 

Nothing is full-proof, but how often do we try to shift the dynamic, especially within our families? Judah succeeded more than he might have expected, and we might, too.

Second area.  The Torah inspires us to learn how to make the most positive sense out of our lives. 

Joseph was betrayed and abandoned by his brothers as a youth.  Here he is, years later, in control, he has power over them as his dreams predicted.  Instead of taking revenge, he says to them, it was God’s will that I was brought down to Egypt, so that I could be instrumental in feeding our family.  Ki l’michya shl’achani elohim –God sent me here so that I could save lives.

The technical term for this is reframing.   Choosing to look at something in a different way, in this case, choosing to discern a positive outcome, and possibly even a positive purpose, in a series of unfortunate events.

There are to be sure many examples of people who have done just that, who have found a positive interpretation and direction out of negative circumstances.

With the recent passing of Nelson Mandela, I think it’s fair to say that this was a man whose experience of persecution led him to advocate for the overturning of ethnic prejudices and the establishment of universal norms of justice.   From his time in prison to his years of leadership, there are echoes of Joseph in Nelson Mandela.

And for most of us, who are less likely than the Biblical Joseph or the modern Mandela to save entire nations, the model of how we can grow from, and beyond, our personal low points is potentially an inspiration.

Finally, this morning’s story demonstrates that people with different personalities and approaches can collaborate with good results.

Judah and Jacob, as described in the torah and certainly in later, midrashic tradition, are quite different characters.  Judah is fierce, direct, a man of strong urges.  Joseph is dreamy, creative, isolated from the family and even somewhat aloof in his new role as second to the king.  Judah will be described as a lion, Joseph as a fruitful vine.

Somehow, their union allows the family to reach reconciliation.  Judah approaches Joseph, Joseph responds to Judah, and the rift between siblings subsides enough for them to become a unified entity, b’nei yisrael.

If you didn’t read Tom Friedman’s piece on Obama and Netanyahu, I recommend it.  It’s a bit idealistic, perhaps, but the thesis is that despite their differences, they each have what to offer to important current conversations.  Netanyahu, in Friedman’s view, should continue to urge caution regarding the negotiations with Iran.  And Obama, he argues, should continue to urge forward movement when it comes to negotiations with the Palestinians.

Are they Judah and Joseph?  Maybe that’s a stretch.  But too often, on the international stage and in more local settings, we get stymied by tensions and fail to harness the potential of collaboration between people of differencing personalities and perspectives.

Can we learn from Torah?  I think we can.  At the very least, this week’s climax and dénouement provids some inspiration for how we can move past circumstances that are traumatic and paralyzing.

Perhaps families can achieve greater equilibrium.  Perhaps we can use negative experiences to positive effects.  Perhaps we can work together across divides based on disposition and outlook.

After all, ויגש אליו יהודה Vayigash elav Yehudah.  Judah approached Joseph.  So maybe there’s hope for all of us.

Originally delivered at Temple Israel of Great Neck on December 7, 2013