A classic Bob Newhart episode features a woman speaking to her therapist (played with expert comic timing by the incomparable Bob Newhart) about her fears. When she finishes, the therapist tells her he has two words that he believes will help her. She asks him to share the two words and he looks her right in the eye and yells, “Stop it!”
Moses sends 12 men to scout out the land. 10 see the beauty, but all of the beauty doesn’t matter the moment they lay eyes on the enormous people there. It is, they tell Moses and the people, ארץ אוכלת יושביה eretz okhelet yoshveha, "a land that eats up its inhabitants."
They say, אם חפץ בנו ה׳ im hafetz banu Adonai - if God wants us to, we will be able to enter the land.
Fear is natural, but it can paralyze. When we feel afraid, we usually can’t just “stop it.”
Yet fear can also energize. A group of ballet dancers who direct and perform with the illustrious Alvin Ailey dance troop were interviewed recently on the radio. They all spoke about how their fear - about performing well, about following in the footsteps (literally) of such great dancers in a company with such a storied reputation - energizes them to work harder, and to dance better.
I want to ask us to reflect on something that makes us afraid and how we handle it. Do we avoid such things altogether? Or have we learned, can we learn, to lean into the fear, to harness it in fact, and to do what we need to do with energy and resolve?
I’ll go a step further. As I’ve said many times, from the bimah, and in small settings, I don’t know anything about God.
However. In my life, and I am only speaking for myself, I have sometimes felt, in ways that I can’t explain and surely can’t prove, that God somehow helps place me in situations that are uncomfortable and that these situations have caused me to grow in helpful ways. Applying the words of Caleb and Joshua, I wonder, if God wants me in this situation, then maybe I can figure it out and things will be OK.
So for example, my fear of heights. I don’t enjoy sheer drops. I agreed to climb Masada a few years ago only because it was still too dark in the morning for me to be able to see exactly how steep the drops were around me.
So God has gifted me, if you will, with three sons who love to go hiking and they occasionally ask me to come along.
And I go. Even in broad daylight. And I deal. And the adrenaline pushes me forward and upward and I’m (almost) always happy I went.
More significantly, I don’t especially enjoy conflict. I’m happier agreeing than disagreeing.
I wonder if perhaps God has invited me to join a profession that involves constant back and forth where I need to step in and say what I think is right even if some people are upset by it.
And in an instance of what I occasionally regard as divine humor, God sends me, as it were, to a community that is so diverse when it comes to ideology and politics that no matter what I say or do, people will be upset. As a result, gradually, I’ve learned to push back in multiple directions in order to help chart a course for the community that I believe is sensible and appropriate and just.
As an example, I find myself, in a single week, telling people on the left, who didn’t want to go to the Celebrate Israel Parade because they disagree with many of Israel’s policies - I disagree with some of Israel’s policies too and there are many appropriate ways to disagree, but you should come to the parade because support for Israel by marching in the parade transcends how you might feel about this leader or that leader, this policy or that policy.
And I find myself saying to people on the right - just because the US administration moved the embassy to Jerusalem, which I personally think is a good thing, doesn’t mean they should get a pass for policies on immigration, gender, racial equality and the environment that are often deeply unjust. As people who uphold American and Jewish values, we need to oppose such policies.
I find myself pushing back in both directions - not that I always am correct, but the point is, I don’t shy away from the conversations. And I realize that my role, actually, is to help chart a course that I believe is most appropriate for us as American Jews, even if it requires multiple pushbacks.
The mild-mannered guy who 30 or so years ago just wanted to do well in school and play his music and find a nice life partner and help people out finds himself in situations where he has to, I have to, confront and navigate the push and pull of disagreements that can become intense and easily personalized.
Just like climbing a mountain, this too gets more manageable. And just like the satisfaction of getting to the top of the mountain with my sons, there is the satisfaction of knowing that I am bringing my insight and influence to bear on how a community navigates situations that face us as Jews, as American citizens, as citizens of the world.
So I wonder. Can you think of a time when you avoided something because you were afraid, something that in hindsight you realize you should not have avoided?
Afraid to pursue a romantic opportunity? Afraid to speak your mind at a family gathering? Afraid to take a risk at work or to find new work?
Is it possible that God or fate or whatever you want to call it is pushing you, perhaps with some cosmic humor, beyond what is comfortable?
And is that such a bad thing? Maybe it’s a good thing.
I’m not taking about sheer terror. It is downright tragic when people have to face sheer terror, whether imposed by nature or by other human beings.
But facing discomfort? A certain amount of anxiety? That can be useful.
Think Moses in Egypt, Esther in Persia, Golda Meir during the Yom Kippur War.
Most of us won’t face what they faced, but we will have our own moments of anxiety and disequilibrium.
We may find ourselves raising a child whose personality is so different from ours that it’s a little scary to figure out what to do.
We may find ourselves navigating professional challenges that are considerable - paradigm shifts in our work, or periods when we are looking for work - that require us to reinvent ourselves in one way or another.
So I’m saying im hafetz banu - if God, our creator, our life force, places us in a certain situation, maybe we can have the faith that we will figure it out, even if it causes us anxiety. Maybe the anxiety can energize us to find our courage and resolve.
A NYC psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Friedman, wrote recently about how stress can be a positive influence. Acute stress raises hormonal levels that increase energy and attention.
Friedman argues in his article that it is unhelpful for parents to try to shield their children from all manner of stress. It deprives them of the benefits of the type of stress - acute stress - that actually makes us more effective and successful.
Think about when you’re in a situation that is challenging. You perk up. You focus.
Chronic stress is a different story. It is linked with trauma, neglect or abuse and of course it makes us less energetic, less focused, less capable.
The 10 scouts who entered the promised land were paralyzed by their fear. They didn’t regard entering the land as an energizing challenge, but rather, they regarded it as an overwhelming obstacle.
I urge us to channel the 2 scouts who said im hafetz banu adonai - if God is placing us in this challenge, maybe we can feel energized, rather than paralyzed. Maybe we were meant to face this difficult moment successfully.
Maybe we and those around us will grow by virtue of facing this moment.
I pray that we will learn to lean into some of the fears that are challenging but manageable.
I pray that we will discipline ourselves not to cocoon our loved ones in a stress-free zone that does no good for them and no good for the world.
This requires faith - in ourselves, in our loved ones, in our creator. But experience has shown that it’s the best way for all of us to make progress toward the promised land.
Originally shared with the Temple Israel of Great Neck community on June 9, 2018
Moses sends 12 men to scout out the land. 10 see the beauty, but all of the beauty doesn’t matter the moment they lay eyes on the enormous people there. It is, they tell Moses and the people, ארץ אוכלת יושביה eretz okhelet yoshveha, "a land that eats up its inhabitants."
They say, אם חפץ בנו ה׳ im hafetz banu Adonai - if God wants us to, we will be able to enter the land.
Fear is natural, but it can paralyze. When we feel afraid, we usually can’t just “stop it.”
Yet fear can also energize. A group of ballet dancers who direct and perform with the illustrious Alvin Ailey dance troop were interviewed recently on the radio. They all spoke about how their fear - about performing well, about following in the footsteps (literally) of such great dancers in a company with such a storied reputation - energizes them to work harder, and to dance better.
I want to ask us to reflect on something that makes us afraid and how we handle it. Do we avoid such things altogether? Or have we learned, can we learn, to lean into the fear, to harness it in fact, and to do what we need to do with energy and resolve?
I’ll go a step further. As I’ve said many times, from the bimah, and in small settings, I don’t know anything about God.
However. In my life, and I am only speaking for myself, I have sometimes felt, in ways that I can’t explain and surely can’t prove, that God somehow helps place me in situations that are uncomfortable and that these situations have caused me to grow in helpful ways. Applying the words of Caleb and Joshua, I wonder, if God wants me in this situation, then maybe I can figure it out and things will be OK.
So for example, my fear of heights. I don’t enjoy sheer drops. I agreed to climb Masada a few years ago only because it was still too dark in the morning for me to be able to see exactly how steep the drops were around me.
So God has gifted me, if you will, with three sons who love to go hiking and they occasionally ask me to come along.
And I go. Even in broad daylight. And I deal. And the adrenaline pushes me forward and upward and I’m (almost) always happy I went.
More significantly, I don’t especially enjoy conflict. I’m happier agreeing than disagreeing.
I wonder if perhaps God has invited me to join a profession that involves constant back and forth where I need to step in and say what I think is right even if some people are upset by it.
And in an instance of what I occasionally regard as divine humor, God sends me, as it were, to a community that is so diverse when it comes to ideology and politics that no matter what I say or do, people will be upset. As a result, gradually, I’ve learned to push back in multiple directions in order to help chart a course for the community that I believe is sensible and appropriate and just.
As an example, I find myself, in a single week, telling people on the left, who didn’t want to go to the Celebrate Israel Parade because they disagree with many of Israel’s policies - I disagree with some of Israel’s policies too and there are many appropriate ways to disagree, but you should come to the parade because support for Israel by marching in the parade transcends how you might feel about this leader or that leader, this policy or that policy.
And I find myself saying to people on the right - just because the US administration moved the embassy to Jerusalem, which I personally think is a good thing, doesn’t mean they should get a pass for policies on immigration, gender, racial equality and the environment that are often deeply unjust. As people who uphold American and Jewish values, we need to oppose such policies.
I find myself pushing back in both directions - not that I always am correct, but the point is, I don’t shy away from the conversations. And I realize that my role, actually, is to help chart a course that I believe is most appropriate for us as American Jews, even if it requires multiple pushbacks.
The mild-mannered guy who 30 or so years ago just wanted to do well in school and play his music and find a nice life partner and help people out finds himself in situations where he has to, I have to, confront and navigate the push and pull of disagreements that can become intense and easily personalized.
Just like climbing a mountain, this too gets more manageable. And just like the satisfaction of getting to the top of the mountain with my sons, there is the satisfaction of knowing that I am bringing my insight and influence to bear on how a community navigates situations that face us as Jews, as American citizens, as citizens of the world.
So I wonder. Can you think of a time when you avoided something because you were afraid, something that in hindsight you realize you should not have avoided?
Afraid to pursue a romantic opportunity? Afraid to speak your mind at a family gathering? Afraid to take a risk at work or to find new work?
Is it possible that God or fate or whatever you want to call it is pushing you, perhaps with some cosmic humor, beyond what is comfortable?
And is that such a bad thing? Maybe it’s a good thing.
I’m not taking about sheer terror. It is downright tragic when people have to face sheer terror, whether imposed by nature or by other human beings.
But facing discomfort? A certain amount of anxiety? That can be useful.
Think Moses in Egypt, Esther in Persia, Golda Meir during the Yom Kippur War.
Most of us won’t face what they faced, but we will have our own moments of anxiety and disequilibrium.
We may find ourselves raising a child whose personality is so different from ours that it’s a little scary to figure out what to do.
We may find ourselves navigating professional challenges that are considerable - paradigm shifts in our work, or periods when we are looking for work - that require us to reinvent ourselves in one way or another.
So I’m saying im hafetz banu - if God, our creator, our life force, places us in a certain situation, maybe we can have the faith that we will figure it out, even if it causes us anxiety. Maybe the anxiety can energize us to find our courage and resolve.
A NYC psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Friedman, wrote recently about how stress can be a positive influence. Acute stress raises hormonal levels that increase energy and attention.
Friedman argues in his article that it is unhelpful for parents to try to shield their children from all manner of stress. It deprives them of the benefits of the type of stress - acute stress - that actually makes us more effective and successful.
Think about when you’re in a situation that is challenging. You perk up. You focus.
Chronic stress is a different story. It is linked with trauma, neglect or abuse and of course it makes us less energetic, less focused, less capable.
The 10 scouts who entered the promised land were paralyzed by their fear. They didn’t regard entering the land as an energizing challenge, but rather, they regarded it as an overwhelming obstacle.
I urge us to channel the 2 scouts who said im hafetz banu adonai - if God is placing us in this challenge, maybe we can feel energized, rather than paralyzed. Maybe we were meant to face this difficult moment successfully.
Maybe we and those around us will grow by virtue of facing this moment.
I pray that we will learn to lean into some of the fears that are challenging but manageable.
I pray that we will discipline ourselves not to cocoon our loved ones in a stress-free zone that does no good for them and no good for the world.
This requires faith - in ourselves, in our loved ones, in our creator. But experience has shown that it’s the best way for all of us to make progress toward the promised land.
Originally shared with the Temple Israel of Great Neck community on June 9, 2018
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