Being Who We Are Called To Be

I was recently sitting on a train heading into the city, wearing the kippah I always wear.  A woman who seemed to be in her 20’s was sitting in front of me, turned around, and said, "Excuse me. Are you Jewish?" And I asked, "Why do you want to know?" She said, "I see you’re wearing one of those coverings.  I wondered if you could tell me about them and why Jewish people wear them."  

TIGN 2019 Teen Trip Meeting with Muslim Students at Givat Haviva

So I told her about my kippah, about humility, recognizing a higher power.  She told me that her godparents in Ireland are Jewish (she is originally from England and moved to Ireland), how much she loves celebrating Passover with them.  We spoke about kippot and hijabs, about various religious and how they bring good and bad into the world.


I realized during that train ride that like it or not, I was serving as an ambassador for Jews in general, although she already knew Jews, and observant Jews specifically.  Many of us find ourselves “representing Jewish people” at one time or another. And when that happens, we probably want to make a good impression.

It is normal and understandable - in encounters small and large - for us as people in general and as Jews specifically to want to make a good impression.

This concern goes way back.  In addressing the children of Israel as they prepare to enter the land of Canaan as recorded in this very parasha, Moses tells them to observe the commandments for the following reason:

כי היא חכמתכם ובינתכם לעיני העם אשר ישמעון את כל החוקים האלה ואמרו רק עם חכם ונבון הגוי הגדול הזה

“For that will be proof of your wisdom and discernment to other people, who on hearing of these laws will say, surely this is a wise, discerning people, this great nation.”  (Deuteronomy 4:6) 

Do all of this so other people will recognize your virtue.

On the one hand, I appreciate the realism at work here.  Moses is appealing to the desire of the people to be well-regarded by others.  Who doesn’t want to be well-regarded by others?

On the other hand, I don’t think I have to work too hard to demonstrate the possible pitfalls of this approach.  Suppose the people around you don’t value what you value?  Or suppose they share your values but aren’t giving you the positive affirmation that you might need?

To give perspective, I want to point out that elsewhere in the Torah, the Israelites are told to observe God’s laws for other reasons.  1. God took us out of Egypt - we have a covenantal relationship with God.  2. We were once strangers - we have a communal history that imposes certain responsibilities.  3. We are to be kedoshim - sacred, distinctive.

These three reasons are not tied into what others think; they emerge rather from how we see ourselves in relation to God, our history and our destiny. 

Of course we  live in the real world and there is value to being mindful of how we are perceived.  And yet I would argue that overall, the Torah emphasizes internal, rather than external, validation.  Check in with your history, with God’s expectations of how you handle yourselves and how you treat others, and speak and act and lead from that place. 

Broadening for a moment before I return to the Jews, politics is often about what will others think.  You take a poll, you do a focus group, you figure out how things will look to whom and how things will likely play out.

If you haven’t watched the TV series VEEP, about a Vice President and her entourage and how they operate in Washington, you may want to watch at least an episode or two. It’s funny, outrageous at times, but also has elements that ring true.  And one truthful element is the extreme lengths that politicians can go through to try to satisfy public opinion.  In many funny scenes, the series pokes fun at the occasionally embarrassing ways in which leaders can be overly solicitous of what everyone thinks to the point where they don’t act based on integrity.

For all of the back and forth about Israel’s recent decision to rescind an offer to Congresswomen Omar and Tlaib to visit the West Bank, I believe that most people - right and left - ignored what should have been the primary consideration.  

Not will it alienate moderate Democrats to disinvite.  Not will it annoy the president to go ahead with the invitation.  Not will it strengthen the congresswomen to disinvite.  Not will it potentially backfire to go ahead with the invitation.  All of this - from the left and the right - focuses, understandably, on what others will say and do in response to Israel’s decision.

As I see it, Israel’s primary consideration should have been, should always be, Who are we? Israel’s genuine answer to that has been, should be, We are a democracy with strengths and flaws and we are not afraid to show who we are, warts and all, even (and perhaps especially) to people who oppose us.  That’s what Israel’s leadership portrayed several weeks ago before they did an about-face.

We don’t know if letting the Congresswomen go ahead with any version of their trip would have played well or not in the realm of public opinion. We don’t know for sure if and how cancelling the trip will affect bipartisan support of Israel.  Experts I trust say that the PR of cancelling is worse than the PR of not cancelling and that cancelling may well affect bipartisan support.  I suspect AIPAC realized all of this when they put out the following statement:

“We disagree with Reps. Omar and Tlaib’s support for the anti-Israel and anti-peace BDS movement, along with Rep. Tlaib’s calls for a one-state solution. We also believe every member of Congress should be able to visit and experience our democratic ally Israel firsthand.”

As many have argued, Israel could have been true to herself by offering the two Congresswomen opportunities to meet with Jews, Christians and Muslims throughout Israel and the West Bank.  This would have shown strengths, shortcomings, and everything in between.  

The Congresswomen in turn could have refused the offer in whole or in part, and much of what they’ve written and said suggests that they might well have.  But since when does Israel shy away from the classic Jewish and Middle Eastern move of making an offer?

While I am certain that AIPAC considered what the reaction would be to their statement, I also believe that the statement emerges largely from their sense of what is right, right in terms of opposing that which is harmful to Israel and right in terms of the overarching principles that undergird Israel’s relationship with the US. 

In my experience - as a rabbi, as a father, as a Jew, as an American - you are better off when you act more based on your own sense of what is right and less on your effort to measure how others will react.

Two invitations before I conclude.  First, I invite you to think of the times when, in your own family, or at work, or wherever - you have twisted yourself into a pretzel wondering how others will react to the point where you lost sight of your own integrity.  When we do that, and I think we all do from time to time, we seldom end up feeling even remotely whole at the end.  Why sacrifice our integrity?  Why sell that so cheaply?

Second, when we recite Shema Yisrael, which appears in this morning’s reading I invite you to consider, if it works for you, who God calls you to be.  

For as long as it takes to say Shema yisra’el, which is not so long, can we try to stop thinking about what our friends think and how our enemies will react and spend a moment thinking about who God calls us to be?

Originally shared with the Temple Israel of Great Neck community on August 17, 2019, Shabbat Nahamu