Starting this Monday night, I’m going to be teaching a class at Temple Israel about Musar. Musar loosely translated means ethical behavior. We will be looking at texts that answer the basic question, how should we behave?
Broadly speaking, texts about “how to behave” go way back in our tradition. The Torah explores human behavior in numerous stories about our forbears and concretizes expectations of behavior through laws.
The book of Proverbs and the book of Ecclesiastes provide advice.
Medieval Jewish philosophers wrote about how to define proper behavior.
During the 19th century, the so-called Musar Movement developed and musar instructors wrote and taught about how one might change one’s behavior for the better.
They established frameworks for self-reflection and behavior modification. A recent framework, established by the Mussar Institute, offers the following guidelines:
In the morning, you identify a type of behavior that you want to embrace.
You say it, think about it, meditate on it.
In the afternoon, you do activities that strengthen the behavior.
In the evening, you write about your efforts. What went well?What didn’t go well?
When it comes to improving our own behavior, lots of things get in the way.
Often we aren’t aware of how we’re behaving. We say and do things that are angry or timid or selfish and we aren’t even aware.
When we look at other people who behave in positive ways, we might be intimidated by them. If we get as far as saying, “Gee, I’d like to do that,” we don’t necessarily know how to go about it.
In this morning’s Torah reading alone, we see examples of behaviors we might want to follow (and perhaps some that we don’t want to follow).
I’d like to focus on one behavior of Abraham that I would say is a positive behavior, one that we might want to emulate.
So God tells Abraham that he is going to destroy the people of Sodom and Gemorreh because they are evil and Abraham says to God, suppose there are 50 righteous people in these towns? האך תספה צדיק עם רשע Ha’ach tispeh tzadik im rasha? Would you destroy the righteous with the wicked?
God says, I wouldn't destroy the towns if there were 50 righteous. Abraham asks, what if there are 45? This continues until Abraham asks, what if there are 10?
What behavior is Abraham demonstrating here? I would say he is being assertive. He is challenging God, asking that God act in a just way.
There are many situations in our lives that require us to be assertive. There are personal situations where we need to say what we need, especially if others are intimidating us. We’re planning a event or a trip and multiple people in our family are pushing and pulling in different ways and we have needs or a certain vision to express - are we able to assert that clearly, forthrightly?
There are situations within or beyond our community that call for us to be assertive. Something happening that is unfair or unjust. Are we able to find a way to respond clearly and forthrightly?
We’ve spoken consistently about the rise in antisemitic incidents locall, nationally and internationally. Are we able to assert ourselves appropriately, to respond with appropriate words and actions?
Those who practice Musar would likely say that assertiveness is an important behavior which, like other important behaviors, can be recognized, learned and practiced.
When I was younger, my father would often drive me to Hebrew High School at JTS in the city and we would stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way. We would sit at the counter and I would invariably order the same donut - Chocolate Butternut. He asked me once, is the donut fresh? And I said, not really. And he said, tell the waiter it’s not fresh and that you’d like another one. And I said, it’s fine. And he pushed me. He said, it’s not obnoxious to send back a donut that’s not fresh, so long as you are polite about it.
He was teaching me to be appropriately assertive.
Now of course, navigating an extended family event - not to mention responding to local, national, international situations - is more complicated than dealing with a stale donut. But I imagine my father’s thinking was, start with something small and you train yourself for things that are larger.
The scholars and instructors of Musar would agree.
This coming Thursday a number of us are attending ADL’s annual conference, Never Is Now. There will be sessions on national and international antisemitism, antisemitism on the college campus, finding allies. Underlying all of these sessions is honing the skills for how to respond to the realities of antisemitism.
Temple Israel has been accepted as an ADL Signature Synagogue, meaning that we will be the beneficiaries of a year of programming geared toward teens and adults. One of the programs ADL features is a “how-to” session called Words to Action which trains people to respond to specific antisemitic situations. This has often been geared toward middle school and high school students, and we are exploring how to make that happen for our teen population.
On the one hand - we may all recognize that a forthright response to antisemitism is called for. On the other hand - those who do this professionally understand, and I think we all can understand, that the implementation of this requires systematic instruction.
Generally we don’t just walk into a situation and naturally know how to respond. Assertiveness, like other modes of behavior, requires self-awareness and training.
Musar is actually a very optimistic enterprise. It is based on the proposition that we can learn positive behaviors. It asks us to consider despite whatever innate cynicism we might have about human nature, that we aren’t stuck as we are, but rather, we can set out on a path to make appropriate changes in how we move in the world.
Today I am a little more generous than I was yesterday. Today I am a little more brave. Today I am a little more assertive.
Join me if you are available starting this Monday evening for our four-part exploration of Musar - behavioral self-reflection and self-improvement. Your first assignment is to let me know if you’d like me to bring donuts.
A depiction of Abraham conversing with God
Broadly speaking, texts about “how to behave” go way back in our tradition. The Torah explores human behavior in numerous stories about our forbears and concretizes expectations of behavior through laws.
The book of Proverbs and the book of Ecclesiastes provide advice.
Medieval Jewish philosophers wrote about how to define proper behavior.
During the 19th century, the so-called Musar Movement developed and musar instructors wrote and taught about how one might change one’s behavior for the better.
They established frameworks for self-reflection and behavior modification. A recent framework, established by the Mussar Institute, offers the following guidelines:
In the morning, you identify a type of behavior that you want to embrace.
You say it, think about it, meditate on it.
In the afternoon, you do activities that strengthen the behavior.
In the evening, you write about your efforts. What went well?What didn’t go well?
When it comes to improving our own behavior, lots of things get in the way.
Often we aren’t aware of how we’re behaving. We say and do things that are angry or timid or selfish and we aren’t even aware.
When we look at other people who behave in positive ways, we might be intimidated by them. If we get as far as saying, “Gee, I’d like to do that,” we don’t necessarily know how to go about it.
In this morning’s Torah reading alone, we see examples of behaviors we might want to follow (and perhaps some that we don’t want to follow).
I’d like to focus on one behavior of Abraham that I would say is a positive behavior, one that we might want to emulate.
So God tells Abraham that he is going to destroy the people of Sodom and Gemorreh because they are evil and Abraham says to God, suppose there are 50 righteous people in these towns? האך תספה צדיק עם רשע Ha’ach tispeh tzadik im rasha? Would you destroy the righteous with the wicked?
God says, I wouldn't destroy the towns if there were 50 righteous. Abraham asks, what if there are 45? This continues until Abraham asks, what if there are 10?
What behavior is Abraham demonstrating here? I would say he is being assertive. He is challenging God, asking that God act in a just way.
There are many situations in our lives that require us to be assertive. There are personal situations where we need to say what we need, especially if others are intimidating us. We’re planning a event or a trip and multiple people in our family are pushing and pulling in different ways and we have needs or a certain vision to express - are we able to assert that clearly, forthrightly?
There are situations within or beyond our community that call for us to be assertive. Something happening that is unfair or unjust. Are we able to find a way to respond clearly and forthrightly?
We’ve spoken consistently about the rise in antisemitic incidents locall, nationally and internationally. Are we able to assert ourselves appropriately, to respond with appropriate words and actions?
Those who practice Musar would likely say that assertiveness is an important behavior which, like other important behaviors, can be recognized, learned and practiced.
When I was younger, my father would often drive me to Hebrew High School at JTS in the city and we would stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way. We would sit at the counter and I would invariably order the same donut - Chocolate Butternut. He asked me once, is the donut fresh? And I said, not really. And he said, tell the waiter it’s not fresh and that you’d like another one. And I said, it’s fine. And he pushed me. He said, it’s not obnoxious to send back a donut that’s not fresh, so long as you are polite about it.
He was teaching me to be appropriately assertive.
Now of course, navigating an extended family event - not to mention responding to local, national, international situations - is more complicated than dealing with a stale donut. But I imagine my father’s thinking was, start with something small and you train yourself for things that are larger.
The scholars and instructors of Musar would agree.
This coming Thursday a number of us are attending ADL’s annual conference, Never Is Now. There will be sessions on national and international antisemitism, antisemitism on the college campus, finding allies. Underlying all of these sessions is honing the skills for how to respond to the realities of antisemitism.
Temple Israel has been accepted as an ADL Signature Synagogue, meaning that we will be the beneficiaries of a year of programming geared toward teens and adults. One of the programs ADL features is a “how-to” session called Words to Action which trains people to respond to specific antisemitic situations. This has often been geared toward middle school and high school students, and we are exploring how to make that happen for our teen population.
On the one hand - we may all recognize that a forthright response to antisemitism is called for. On the other hand - those who do this professionally understand, and I think we all can understand, that the implementation of this requires systematic instruction.
Generally we don’t just walk into a situation and naturally know how to respond. Assertiveness, like other modes of behavior, requires self-awareness and training.
Musar is actually a very optimistic enterprise. It is based on the proposition that we can learn positive behaviors. It asks us to consider despite whatever innate cynicism we might have about human nature, that we aren’t stuck as we are, but rather, we can set out on a path to make appropriate changes in how we move in the world.
Today I am a little more generous than I was yesterday. Today I am a little more brave. Today I am a little more assertive.
Join me if you are available starting this Monday evening for our four-part exploration of Musar - behavioral self-reflection and self-improvement. Your first assignment is to let me know if you’d like me to bring donuts.
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