Persistence and Respect: Learning From the Mess

We know that we can tend to romanticize the past.

When I was the rabbi in a previous congregation, a woman in my office would frequently tell me that her parents, in their eighties, had a tumultuous relationship with pretty frequent loud disagreements.

When her father passed away, her mother, shortly after the funeral, she said to her daughter, “you know, dad and I occasionally had our differences.”

Her daughter didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  She said, “mom, just a few months ago you and dad were arguing so strongly I had to literally pull you apart!”

Mind you, the mother may have had fonder feelings for her husband than she let on all along.  And perhaps his passing softened her feelings and her tone. 

But we know that we claim and reclaim the past in all kinds of ways.

On Shavuot Night, this upcoming Tuesday, we’re going to be looking at the questions “why we disagree” and “what we might do about it.”

In addition to studying traditional texts, we will hear a talk by Dr. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at NYU.

He has extensively studied the origins of morality.  What makes people hold the beliefs that they do about politics and social issues.

Why do some favor gun control and marriage equality while others are firmly opposed?

Why do some believe in extensive government-supported safety nets and others do not?

In a video that I sent to the congregation, Professor Haidt bemoans the extraordinary rift between left and right today and the inability to collaborate. 

He points out that there was a time of greater bipartisan collaboration, following World War II, when Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives, compromised on legislation in order to make progress.

I understand that, but I would say that overall, in the history of our country, there was fierce partisan fighting and little compromise.  And we can learn from those times as well.

Having It All

A close college friend asked if I wanted to join him for the annual Columbia Barnard Hillel dinner, so I said sure.  As he had driven down from Boston for it, I figured I could take the train into New York City. 

So we met, mingled and had the reality check of recognizing that even though being among college students made us feel like college students, the students are the ages of our children.  And they weren’t looking at us like peers, they were looking at us as, well, potential funders for the programs they want to continue to enjoy.

But this will not be a discussion about the egos of middle-aged men, which are, frankly, predictable and not so interesting.

It will be a discussion about the challenge to “have it all” that these college students pose.

The students, whom we spoke with individually and who addressed the entire dinner crowd, want to have it all. 

They want to be fulfilled as individuals.  They want to find fulfillment in the Jewish community.  They want to make a difference with humanity at large.  And they want to help prevent the world from depleting its resources before they might bring their own children onto the global stage. 

It’s easy to dismiss this as naïve idealism, but we shouldn’t.  And it isn’t narcissism either, because the aspirations of these young people pulsate with a desire to give, not just to receive.  

What should we do about that?

Love, Not Conquest: A Lesson for All Religions from the Boston Bombings

As Dzhokhar Tsarnaev recovers in a Boston Hospital, he has confessed to the planting of the bombs that killed 3 and injured hundreds during the recent Boston marathon.   The suffering of those injured is extraordinary and ongoing.  The pain of the families whose loved ones were killed is unimaginable.  We also now know that the brothers were planning a trip to New York City, to detonate bombs in Time Square.

More and more is being revealed about the way Dzhokhar’s older brother, Tamerlan, was introduced, starting in 2008, to a form of radical, anti-American Islam back in the family’s native Chechniya and recent investigations suggest that there may have been local influences as well.

Muslim leaders in various Boston mosques were asked whether they would hold a funeral for Tamerlan.  An imam from the Islamic Institute of Boston said, “I would not be willing to do a funeral for him. This is a person who deliberately killed people. There is no room for him as a Muslim.” (Huffington Post, picked up by US News, April 24, 2013) 

Often in the Jewish community, we see a reaction of great embarrassment when people suspected and convicted of crimes are discovered to be Jewish.  There was widespread disgust when Bernie Madoff was convicted of Ponzi scheme fraud and when Baruch Goldstein was found to have shot 29 worshippers at a Mosque in Hebron. 

The Boston bombing is tragic and devastating.  While life in Boston will go on, the attacks have irrevocably altered the lives of the families of the victims and the dynamics of the community as a whole. 

I’m heartened that Muslim leaders are expressing disgust at the crimes to which Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is confessing.  Ideally this should spark continued cheshbon hanefesh, soul-searching, on the part of the Muslim community.

We should not generalize about the Muslim community any more than we would want people to generalize about the Jewish community based on the actions of Bernie Madoff, Baruch Goldstein and others.

But I do expect my Muslim colleagues to say something like, “This behavior does not represent us.  It does not represent our view of Islam!” I hope that institutions such as the Islamic Center in Boston will make explicit that terrorism has no place in Islam. 

Because the stakes are really high.  Future human lives are at stake.  To the extent that the appropriation of Islam to justify brutal terror goes unchecked, we will see more and more victims killed and struggling to piece their bodies and their lives back together.

I believe the future of religion is at stake, as well, and this has profound implications for the future of human life.

Will the 21^st century see, once and for all, the demise of religion as a force for good in the world?  Will the religion of conquest emerge victorious?

I think about that, and we should all think about that.  Will today’s bar mitzvah, and his sisters and his friends, think that religion is basically about defeating the enemy in God’s name – I conquer and kill in the name of my God – because those who are practicing religion in this way are so loud and so relentless?  

Our task is no less than to demonstrate, within these walls and beyond, that religion can be a force for good.  That it can cultivate a sense of wonder, a sense of humility, and a sense of responsibility. 

That religion should ultimately be about love and not conquest.

Empathy Holds Us Together: a Message for Yom Hashoah and All Year Long

On March 21 of this year, Rabbi Herschel Schacter died at the age of 96.  Rabbi Schacter had a long career as a pulpit rabbi in the Moshulu Jewish Center in the Bronx.

But he is even more widely known as the first Jewish chaplain to enter Buchenwald following its liberation by General Patton in April, 1945. 

When he entered, he asked if there were any Jews still alive and was taken to a barracks of Jewish inmates, lying on planks.  They looked down at Rabbi Schacter, in military uniform, and they were frightened. 

He said, Shalom Aleichem, yidden.  Ihr sint frei.  Greetings, Jews.  You are free!

And slowly, slowly, people began to absorb the significance of what had happened.  And some started to join Rabbi Schacter, going from one barracks to the other, telling one another that they were now free.

Weeks later, it was Pesach Sheni, the second Pesach, the day set aside in ancient times for those who were unable to celebrate Pesach during its ordinary time.

According to an account by a prisoner of the camp, Shiku Smilovic, Rabbi Schacter brought matzah and distributed it to everyone.  He started to deliver a sermon to all of the recently liberated prisoners.  At one point, the rabbi said, “We know what you have gone through” and a former prisoner started to scream.

Opening Doors: A Special Passover Appeal to the Younger Generation

 

In keeping with the speech that President Obama delivered recently in Jerusalem, addressed to the younger generation of Israelis, I want to speak in particular to the younger generation here.  If you are young enough that your whole life unfolded since the advent of the Internet, please listen carefully.  (And everyone else can listen, too.)

I want to emphasize the importance of opening doors.  Toward the end of the Seder, following the meal, we pour a cup for Elijah and we open the door to our homes.

We connect the two customs today; however, they emerged at different times, for different reasons.

The pouring of a cup for Elijah is an early modern custom – as Elijah is associated with redemption, the “fifth cup,” connected with redemption, became known as the Cup of Elijah.

How about the custom of opening the door?  That custom precedes the Cup of Elijah by several centuries.

Rabbi David Silber offers that it may have been a way to emphasize the imperative to invite all who are hungry to eat; it may also have been a way to invite everyone to praise God during Hallel.

Opening a door requires risk.  At the very least, you throw off the carefully controlled temperature inside. 

And who knows who may come in if you open the door and how it might change the dynamics within?

But since we’ve been opening doors for at least 10 centuries, maybe there’s something to it.  Something to the balance between risk and hope that opening a door represents.

So if you’re young enough that you don’t think that “retweet” is someone saying the word “retreat” with a speech impediment, I’m about to ask you to consider opening some doors.

Ancient Priests, New Pope: Where Judaism Coincides and Differs

Mr. Goldberg was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know him."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Goldberg, how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Goldberg and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Goldberg! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Goldberg's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Goldberg that he thinks Goldberg's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Goldberg says. "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Goldberg says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Goldberg on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Goldberg, what a surprise, I was just
on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend comeon in. Let's have a cup of coffee first, and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Goldberg, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Goldberg. "I've known the Pope a long time."  

So off they fly to Rome. Goldberg and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Goldberg says, "This will never work... I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

Passion is Not a Dirty Word

A few years ago, Bill and Jerry Ungar, longstanding leaders of our congregation, were honored in the city and I was asked to introduce them, which I was happy to do.  Jerry passed away a few years ago and Bill, who wrote two books about his survival of the Shoah and his experience in America, recently celebrated his 100^th birthday. 

I was so honored to be able to introduce them that I got very excited when I was speaking.  

I finished my intro and walked off the stage when I heard a voice saying, “You spoke with great passion!” 

It was an unmistakable voice and it took me a moment to process.  I looked and saw Dr. Ruth Westheimer, looking up at me.

I thanked her quickly, walked back to my table, and immediately texted my wife, Deanna:  “Just received an unexpected compliment from an expert.  Details to follow.” 

With subjects like Bill and Jerry Unger, it’s easy to get passionate, so easy that you overcome whatever natural reticence you might have.

I believe that in general, we are hesitant to show people that we’re really “into” something.  For children and teens, even for adults, there is a certain pressure not to go “over the top” in all kinds of situations, not to appear “too excited” about things, to more or less keep things cool.

This morning, with reference to leaders past, and bar mitzvah boys and girls present and a few others, as well, I want to make the case that we need to try to overcome our inclination to keep things cool.

Passion is not a dirty word.  We need more of it, not less.