Passion is Not a Dirty Word

A few years ago, Bill and Jerry Ungar, longstanding leaders of our congregation, were honored in the city and I was asked to introduce them, which I was happy to do.  Jerry passed away a few years ago and Bill, who wrote two books about his survival of the Shoah and his experience in America, recently celebrated his 100^th birthday. 

I was so honored to be able to introduce them that I got very excited when I was speaking.  

I finished my intro and walked off the stage when I heard a voice saying, “You spoke with great passion!” 

It was an unmistakable voice and it took me a moment to process.  I looked and saw Dr. Ruth Westheimer, looking up at me.

I thanked her quickly, walked back to my table, and immediately texted my wife, Deanna:  “Just received an unexpected compliment from an expert.  Details to follow.” 

With subjects like Bill and Jerry Unger, it’s easy to get passionate, so easy that you overcome whatever natural reticence you might have.

I believe that in general, we are hesitant to show people that we’re really “into” something.  For children and teens, even for adults, there is a certain pressure not to go “over the top” in all kinds of situations, not to appear “too excited” about things, to more or less keep things cool.

This morning, with reference to leaders past, and bar mitzvah boys and girls present and a few others, as well, I want to make the case that we need to try to overcome our inclination to keep things cool.

Passion is not a dirty word.  We need more of it, not less.

But it’s not so simple.  We instinctively fear too much light, too much heat.

Moses comes down from the mountain carrying the second set of tablets, and we are told  לא ידע כי קרן עור פניו בדברו אתו lo yada ki karan or panav b’dab’ro eto.  He wasn’t aware that the skin of his face was shining because he had spoken with God.

When Aaron and all of the Israelites saw that Moses’s skin was aglow, ויראו מגשת אליו vayir’u migeshet elav.  They were afraid to approach him.

Moses is excited, he’s radiant – he doesn’t even know it! 

And instead of saying, “How wonderful!  Tell us all about your experience!” the people are afraid and they hold back.

I think there’s a sort of progression that takes place.   At first we don’t even know we’re excited about something, it just happens.  Then others pull back.  And then, stung by that rejection, we are more careful the next time.  Next time, we’re going to play it cool.

When Haiti was devastated by an earthquake three years ago, a young boy decided he was going to raise money for earthquake relief.  He was really upset by what happened and determined to encourage family and friends to help out.

In the end, he collected a sizable amount of money.   I heard frequent updates, because I taught his class at the time, and he was so excited to tell me about the progress, about how many people were helping him to provide earthquake relief.

This morning, he celebrated becoming a Bar Mitzvah at Temple Israel of Great Neck and he still gets excited when he’s involved in helping other people. 

Fortunately his family and friends have encouraged him. 

And I hope out loud, in front of this congregation, that the kind of enthusiasm that Oliver projects will never be diminished by the fear of standing out.  Better to be passionate than cool.

The Talmud teaches that Rabbi Akiba would pray differently when he was with other people than when he was alone.  With others, he would pray quickly so he didn’t burden them with having to wait.  When he was alone, he would start out in one part of the room and end up in another, because he got so excited that he lost track of himself.

There are at least two ways to look at this story.  We can see it as a lesson in the importance of modulation.  Of course, you should act differently in public than in private, you don’t want to impose on people, after all.

But there’s a pathos to this story, as well.  Too much modulation has its price.  The members of Rabbi Akiva’s community were spared the inconvenience, but also the potential inspiration, of watching him get totally into it.  Would it have been such an imposition?  So embarrassing for them, or him, or both?

I think that many of us are afraid to reach out or up too vociferously, afraid to impose, afraid to look ridiculous.

I voiced my hope that Oliver will maintain his enthusiasm long after bar mitzvah, as social pressures grow. 

I want to give special mention to what happens to a BAT mitzvah, because all of this is even harder for girls as they become adult women.

The pressure for girls to submerge their enthusiasm as they mature – for learning, singing, sports, politics, you name it – is, by many professional accounts, greater than it is for boys. 

Girls who raise their hands to answer questions in 3^rd grade are far less likely to do it 7^th, girls who reach for a tallit during prayer in 3^rd grade, far less likely to do it in 7^th, and it’s not just about getting older, because the falloff during those years is greater among girls than among boys.

For that reason, it’s important that girls and boys see WOMEN who are excited to pray, learn, and LEAD.  And important for us to support these efforts, be they the Women of the Wall or our own Shabbat Kol Isha program where the women of our community lead every aspect of our services.

And it’s important for the male and female members of the Knesset to hear MK Ruth Calderone, who founded a yeshiva open to men and women of all religious perspectives, deliver a learned, passionate discourse about Torah.  You can watch it on youtube – I was inspired.

Excitement, engagement, passion – these are good things, for boys and girls, men and women.

I believe the benefits of raising the temperature far outweigh the benefits of keeping things cool.

One final point. 

No one type of Jew has the monopoly on religious passion that extends upward or outward.  

You can embrace modern life in all of its complexity, listen to all kinds of music, read sophisticated political and economic analysis – and still get excited to light Shabbat candles, to sing etz chayim hee, to deliver food to people in need, to learn Torah individually or in a group.

The things is, I implore you, once you notice that you’re excited, try not to stop.  Don’t over-modulate.  The world needs your passion more than your caution.  I am not concerned that people will go overboard in their enthusiasm.  I am concerned what will happen if we continue to go under-board.

That’s something Oliver understands.  That’s something we need to remember when we step out into a new day.  If we discover that we are glowing about something, as Moses did, don’t be put off by those who are taken aback.

So what did Moses do?

Moses called to them, and Aaron and all the leaders in the assembly returned to him, and Moses spoke to them. 

ואחרי כן נגשו כל בני ישראל V’acharei chen nig’shu kol b’nei yisrael. 

And then all the Israelites came near.

Mind you, Moses then put a veil on, so the people wouldn’t be overwhelmed.  Can’t ignore that part.  Sometimes we do need to modulate or we get nowhere.

But he didn’t retreat.  He didn’t give up.   He figured out how to channel his passion in the most successful way, so that others wanted to approach and be part of the action.

And so must we.  Dr. Ruth is counting on us.  So is our people, and so is our species.

Originally delivered at Temple Israel of Great Neck, March 9, 2013.